this is the blog I write on whenever I want to write about something too personal for my main blog or just something I just don’t want people who know me to see.
but frickin hell dr who is back and people will be posting more and more gifs and posts about it and these are people I usually like (exception of one friend it would be too awkward to unfollow) and I just really do not like seeing so much dr who. why can’t people just get over it? arrrrrgh.
I don’t know why this is effecting me so much. The past couple of weeks have been okay because I’ve been able to see him. This week I haven’t seen him at all. And it’s hit me now. It’s hit me that he doesn’t really care about seeing me really, that after this semester I’m no longer going to be studying here and I won’t see him at all. We will part and not see each other again. And it makes me wonder what I was even hoping for. Was it just going to be something casual? Would a relationship have worked? But I shouldn’t ponder too much on these things, because he chose someone else. And that’s it. And my friends have said what he did was douchey but I just want to move on and be friends. I want to be friends but he’s not here and I’ve been feeling down because it. If I could just see him I think I would feel better but that can’t last forever. People are not medicine, you can’t take them when you’re not feeling well, you can’t expect them to be there. Because our paths will diverge and who knows where we’ll end up but I feel I’ve lost something with him. And now I’m without. I need to move on from this though. Not only because there are so many good people out there, but because I can’t let this affect me and my studies, and my future. I need to put this in perspective. He’s not worth this pain, but I feel the pain nonetheless.
why do I feel like I’m enamoured with everyone and then suddenly no one
this is a secret blog for secret feelings
fuck I got fucked over last night by a guy and I thought we had something going but it turns out that he now has something going with someone else. But he totally chose the wrong time to reveal that, it totally ruined my night, and I can’t kick it out of my mind, it’s just repeating over and over again and everything I didn’t see beforehand and how it came to light and how I looked so much the fool. He could have told me before, at any stage, but he decided to do it this way and now I will probably see him in the next week and I have no idea what I’m going to say. For now I just feel like crying and sleeping and feeling sorry for myself. I really don’t know if I can muster the strength for anything else.
some days will be like this
When you do someone wrong, a second chance result in the best situation. I know you let me in a second time, so now when you want space I’m going to give it to you unconditionally. This change in circumstances can appear odd because isn’t this how it should be in the first place? Shouldn’t you give your friends and romantic interests the space they need, even when it seems like they are ignoring you? But most people are not like that. When you don’t want to talk to them they think it’s about them, not that you may not be feeling social, that maybe you are feeling unwell, or that you are just too busy. People tend to jump to the conclusion that it’s all about them and that you must find them annoying. I admit that I can sometimes to jump to such conclusions too. That, or it’s one of the many possibilities that come to mind. The point is to give your friend or partner the benefit of the doubt. Trust can be hard to give, but in my experience it’s best to give it. But the point about the second chance I was given is that it feels easier for me not to jump to the conclusion that it’s all about me. I understand that this friend still wants to talk to me and that the fact they couldn’t reply is that they were genuinely busy. Maybe they don’t want to hang out either, or maybe not just yet, but that’s okay too. Being their friend, and giving them a break when they don’t want to reply or hang out can be the right thing for me to do. After all, it’s always a relief when my friends give me that break. It builds a certain amount of trust in a relationship.
I’m confused. So I managed, despite being anxious, to talk to a guy I like. And we were having an okay online conversation, asking each other questions. Then I asked him if he would be free during the week. He said yes. So I asked what day would be good and he didn’t reply. Now it’s been a couple of days and I’m wondering what’s up. It doesn’t seem like he likes me at all, but when we saw each other the other day it seemed like the opposite. And I don’t want to be that naive person that equates kissing and intimacy with someone liking you, but he gave other signs that he liked me too. And he asked to go out for dinner. Did he find someone else? Did he just lose interest? Is he just extremely busy and always like this? I don’t know. But I want to ask again if he’s free this weekend. If it was a lapse then surely this time he will reply. If not, then he won’t and I’ll at least know that he’s not interested.
Okay, here goes! I’m going to ask him out this week. I know probably few to no people would read this but it just feels easier to blog it and then say it for some reason…
I can sort of understand this feeling now. It’s like being bumped from no.1 to no.2 in someone’s mind. And then they contact you less. Whilst contacting that other person for hours. And yeah, it can hurt when you realise that they will no longer be there as often as they were and when they are there they will still be less present than they otherwise would have been. Like part of them is thinking about the other person who they would be happier to talk to. And that hurts too. The kicker being that you start to wonder if you were only there in the intermediary time - between the breakup and his new relationship - as a binkie to comfort him until you can be thrown away, and the focus and love can be given to the other person.
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