fuck I got fucked over last night by a guy and I thought we had something going but it turns out that he now has something going with someone else. But he totally chose the wrong time to reveal that, it totally ruined my night, and I can’t kick it out of my mind, it’s just repeating over and over again and everything I didn’t see beforehand and how it came to light and how I looked so much the fool. He could have told me before, at any stage, but he decided to do it this way and now I will probably see him in the next week and I have no idea what I’m going to say. For now I just feel like crying and sleeping and feeling sorry for myself. I really don’t know if I can muster the strength for anything else.
some days will be like this
When you do someone wrong, a second chance result in the best situation. I know you let me in a second time, so now when you want space I’m going to give it to you unconditionally. This change in circumstances can appear odd because isn’t this how it should be in the first place? Shouldn’t you give your friends and romantic interests the space they need, even when it seems like they are ignoring you? But most people are not like that. When you don’t want to talk to them they think it’s about them, not that you may not be feeling social, that maybe you are feeling unwell, or that you are just too busy. People tend to jump to the conclusion that it’s all about them and that you must find them annoying. I admit that I can sometimes to jump to such conclusions too. That, or it’s one of the many possibilities that come to mind. The point is to give your friend or partner the benefit of the doubt. Trust can be hard to give, but in my experience it’s best to give it. But the point about the second chance I was given is that it feels easier for me not to jump to the conclusion that it’s all about me. I understand that this friend still wants to talk to me and that the fact they couldn’t reply is that they were genuinely busy. Maybe they don’t want to hang out either, or maybe not just yet, but that’s okay too. Being their friend, and giving them a break when they don’t want to reply or hang out can be the right thing for me to do. After all, it’s always a relief when my friends give me that break. It builds a certain amount of trust in a relationship.
I’m confused. So I managed, despite being anxious, to talk to a guy I like. And we were having an okay online conversation, asking each other questions. Then I asked him if he would be free during the week. He said yes. So I asked what day would be good and he didn’t reply. Now it’s been a couple of days and I’m wondering what’s up. It doesn’t seem like he likes me at all, but when we saw each other the other day it seemed like the opposite. And I don’t want to be that naive person that equates kissing and intimacy with someone liking you, but he gave other signs that he liked me too. And he asked to go out for dinner. Did he find someone else? Did he just lose interest? Is he just extremely busy and always like this? I don’t know. But I want to ask again if he’s free this weekend. If it was a lapse then surely this time he will reply. If not, then he won’t and I’ll at least know that he’s not interested.
Okay, here goes! I’m going to ask him out this week. I know probably few to no people would read this but it just feels easier to blog it and then say it for some reason…
I can sort of understand this feeling now. It’s like being bumped from no.1 to no.2 in someone’s mind. And then they contact you less. Whilst contacting that other person for hours. And yeah, it can hurt when you realise that they will no longer be there as often as they were and when they are there they will still be less present than they otherwise would have been. Like part of them is thinking about the other person who they would be happier to talk to. And that hurts too. The kicker being that you start to wonder if you were only there in the intermediary time - between the breakup and his new relationship - as a binkie to comfort him until you can be thrown away, and the focus and love can be given to the other person.
I’m close to my ex which can be good and bad. Like it’s great to have such a close friend who I share a close history with. It’s great we didn’t lose contact after we stopped dating. In fact, we talk everyday still. But every time I find out about his love life, it stings a little. We broke up mutually so it’s not like I feel a double sense of rejection, it’s just a single one. Even though I know that’s stupid because I know I don’t want to get back together with him. It’s stupid I feel this way but I can’t seem to shake it. Maybe I wouldn’t feel this way if I were in a relationship? I don’t know. But yeah it’s annoying to hear that he and this guy are acting like they’re in a relationship even though they’re not and he’s confused about what that means. I know what it means, it means they’re going to get together. So yeah. I mean I’ll get over this feeling whatever it is. I guess it’s a feeling of inadequacy, like where are the boys for me. Even though I have been sleeping with a guy. Even though we haven’t talked recently. But yeah, I’m excited to see this guy again so I need to contact him soon. I really like him. So I hope something happens. But back to my ex, I hope whatever happens that he is happy. That’s what I should hope for and that’s what I want.
I bumped into a friend the other day on the train and honestly it’s the best thing that’s happened to me for the past month. And he said we should catch up soon and I’m really excited for that. So I’m going to message him today and ask him out. As friends, of course. In little over two weeks he’s studying abroad in Europe, and I’m going to miss him so much. Seeing him this week may be the last time, although I hope not.
Maybe it’s just been getting used to the holidays and a new schedule but the past week my sleeping pattern has gone from bad to worse. Sleeping in until 2, sleeping only two hours, sleeping in until 12, sleeping no hours, sleeping in, sleeping in, being awake but being too tired to function. Giving in and sleeping at 7am, sleeping in…
How long without talking to someone does it take before….before you both don’t take the effort to try to hang out with each other? How long before you think maybe you won’t talk again?
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